Chastity in marriage, bhogam, apnaapan

Chastity in marriage includes 

solving all marital issues 

with the spouse as 
the first and primary resource.

And if at all possible, 
with the attitude that 
there should be or 
there is 
no other resource.

Just like Indian solutions to 
Indian problems/challenges or 
SRCM solutions to 
SRCM problems/challenges.

First, solve or resolve with 
local resources and local processes.

Then optimise or fine-tune 
using other optimal global solutions, 
but only if necessary, 
only if there are still unmet requirements.

And only accept those solutions 
that fit into or can be integrated into 
local idioms.

(This is, I think, one commonsensical reason 
for the NIH -not invented here- syndrome. 
But also see below regarding failure, learnings, etc.)

Once everything in life is understood as 
undergoing bhogam, 
every present situation as 
an unwinding of past residues, 
every challenge presented to you as 
having its own learnings and 
its own resources for resolving it, 
you will stop fighting or resisting 
your present situations.

Your "failure" to meet a challenge,
according to someone else's criteria, 
is not as important as 
understanding that 
you presently lack 
certain skills or 
even some understandings or 
just a certain unwillingness to change.

All this comes from Babuji's simple instruction - 
apnaapan hona chaahiye, or 
apna banaiye,
making not just your newly-wedded spouse your own, 
but also the spouse's family.

And, if necessary, even before marriage, 
accept the family you were born into 
as your own!

Solve your issues together.
Such training is essential for life after marriage.

Do note that there is one huge assumption - 
you have chosen your family to be born into, 
to unwind some significant saṁskāras.

And even your life events in some broad ways, 
to develop some needed skills, 
some emotional attitudes or strengths.

And how does this fit into detachment, 
vairāgya, regarding family only as duty, or 
even as an unpleasant chore?

If you can learn to love and be affectionate 
even towards those who trigger you 
instantly and intensely, and 
yet be able to do so 
without expectations, 
without transactional paybacks, 
isn't that the best, the most arduous training 
to let love and affection flow towards all?

And to let that flow become 
unconditional and always?

To master being able to 
"love all whom he loves" just like 
"he who loves all" does?

Yet, even logically, 
there is no discrepancy 
in Master being clearly 
more affectionate towards 
some abhyasis than others.

First, they have to be in his proximity. 
If they are not around, 
how can he offer 
that physical affection?

Even if he wanted to, could he visit 
every abhyasi in the world?!

Next, they have to be open to change.

Love and affection are 
for the purpose of spiritual evolution, 
opening up the heart chakra, 
to put it differently.

And even if the living Master 
forgets that occasionally, 
the Hierarchy will not!

Those who aren't willing to change, and 
cling tightly to their self-created personas, 
will not hang around Master affectionately 
for very long. 

Again, can he chase every such reluctant abhyasi?

Should he?

Change must be accepted, even if not understood.

Inner resistance means no acceptance.

Next, the Masters have other work than 
just hanging out 
being loving and affectionate!

Those who support and 
take forward such work 
will naturally be the ones 
proximate to him.

Lastly, Daaji's huge evolutionary change.

There is no need for physical proximity 
to feel Master's love and affection.

Indeed such physical displays 
can only be temporary, 
no matter how many times 
they're repeated.

Instead, become aware of 
the inner connection - 
make it palpable, 
develop your sensitivity. 
And once you feel that, 
as Babuji puts it so pithily - 
Master is mine and I am his!

Such a simple, beautiful, 
all-encompassing definition of 
apnaapan!