Ahamkara paradox - "I" needed to lose the I

Consider:

• I practise
• I realise
• My goal is liberation
  
• I want to be a better/spiritual person
• Babuji said, "Forget the I," not "Understand thyself."
• Spiritual practice is also about releasing/ignoring I (self-arrogating) thoughts
• Surrender to situations, don't respond selfishly
• Traditional Indian spiritualists rail against the "I" unremittingly
  

What are the characteristics of the I?

• self-arrogation
• self-image
• self-consciousness (c.f., shyness, introversion)
• a set of self-created, artificial, illusory thoughts

What if there is no paradox?

Assume that there are (at least) two stages in spirituality.

In the first, lower, stage, the I is actively needed. Why?

• immanent stage
• individual perspective
• sense of self needed to evolve consciously
• comparison of my self with other selves
• comparison of my self with itself at different times and contexts
• simplify or integrate many relative, context-dependent selves into a single coherent, consistent self
• be the same inside and outside
• be natural - don't think something and say something else
• yet - satyam bruyāt, priyam bruyāt
  (speak [the] truth, affectionately speak [it])
• actively work on becoming a more ethical and moral person
• accept the current situation as it is, but act positively to create different future situations
• acceptance presumes an "acceptor", and 
• choosing positive actions a "chooser"

In the second and higher, stage, the "I" is not needed actively. Why not?
 

• transcendent stage
• universal perspective
• jivanmukti (freedom from separate individuality)
• the divine inside and outside oneself drives one's evolution
• "I surrender" is not surrender
• Kabir's "prem galI" doha:
  
• Love's lane [is] very narrow; in it two cannot be.
• When "I" was, He was not; now He is, "I" am not.
• complete expansion and freeing of consciousness occur only if there is no self-image or self-consciousness
• the only freedom is the freedom is to do the right - Babuji
• no choice, hence no chooser necessary

The two stages need not be, and are generally not, sequential in time.
They may occur many times, and for differing periods, until the seeker reaches a particular level of purity, simplicity, and lightness. A seeker may have to deliberately shift down to the immanent stage regularly for some activities [1].
This may confuse the spiritual seeker.

Finally, a minimal I is still needed to use one's body and mind while alive: 

• I scratch my arm.
• That book is for me.
• I booked a flight to Chennai to reach in a few hours.
  

Notes

[1] Practice of maxim 10 (and maxim 9) requires self-examination at the individual level

Meditation as a relaxing exercise

A simple technique to focus on the object of meditation easily:
 
Start your meditation by thinking of the object
 
After a while, you notice:
    your attention has been caught by a different object, or,
    you are thinking of something else.
 
Relax your attention.
 
Your attention goes back, automatically,
   to the previous object, your starting object.
 
Keep relaxing, very gently, very patiently, and consistently.
 
Don't judge, analyse, or otherwise engage with the distraction.
 
The duration of your attention on the initial object will increase with each meditation.
 
(The first distractions will be at the conscious level. Then distractions will start coming up from the subconscious. These may be stronger, and then it may even take many meditations to let go of them easily and completely.)

Teaching technique from Indian spirituality/culture

arundhati nyāya [1]
 
1. Describe a concept using an analogy
2. Extend/modify the analogy to modify the learning progressively
3. Finally, work directly with the concept
 
(4. For tough concepts, give other analogies for different perspectives)
 
Example (Chāndogya Upaniṣad):
 

1. Analogy 1 


Pluck a fruit from that huge banyan tree, slice it open, and take its seeds
 
Learnings
 
• a huge tree may have a small seed
• c.f. Mulla Nasruddin's story about pumpkins growing on thin vines while a huge oak has much smaller acorns
• simple direct reasoning - large effect from large cause - may be wrong in Nature
• a near-infinite cycle - from seed to tree and back


2. Analogy 2/modify analogy 1
 
Cut open a seed and look inside, it's practically empty/invisible.
 
Learnings
 
• something large can manifest from something small
  
• everything in the huge tree came from something so negligible
• variety (roots, trunk, leaves, fruit, seeds) can come from simplicity
 
3. Directly working with the concept [2]:
 
That thou art, Śvetaketu.

 
Learnings
 

• that simple, practically invisible, thing - within the seed, the tree, and various parts of the tree - is within you as well.
 
• how so?
 
• you are a human being, with a large, complex system, like a tree
• the same nothingness, or practically nothingness, in the seed, that became a tree has also become you
 
 
 
Discussion
 
But-but-but, animal vs. plant, human being vs. tree, thinking-moving being vs. unthinking stuck-in-the-mud organism - the analogies are incorrect/nonsensical!
 
Yes, yes, fine! Go read up on at least these two complex concepts before reading this again [3]:
 
1. the scientific theory of creation of the universe from a similar nothingness (a naked singularity?)
2.  creation and evolution of the vast variety of living beings from either:
1. non-living matter - the scientific theory - or
2. from conscious entities - Indian and other philosophies
 
 
Notes
 
[1] arundhati nyāya, or arundhati logic, is based on the technique of locating the arundhati star (Alcor) by first looking at the right area of the sky using a nearby tree or building, then locating nearby brighter stars, and finally the arundhati-vasishtha dual-star system.
 
[2] Other analogies (dissolving salt in water - uniform density, distribution) describe other aspects, but follow a similar sequence.
 
[3] While the answer may come across as a bit snarky, the example illustrates the depth of thinking needed to really grok the Upanishads. This thinking is called nididhyāsanam, essentially ruminating over a lesson, e.g. for inconsistencies, incomplete details, linking to earlier lessons, etc. nididhyāsanam forces students to update their conceptual models. As mananam means thinking, some traditions consider this to be mananam and nididhyāsanam to be a different learning activity - like meditating on the concepts.

Mind Sandwich

An ice block in a brook on a warm summer day.

 

Think of its bottom and top surfaces. One is in water, the other is in air.

 

Compare it with one's mind - think of range, stability, movement, changing state or vibratory levels. (Ignore evanescence, solidity, physics of ice.)

 

            ATMOSPHERE

     {{vapour}}

     {{{{{ }}}}

          I

       BLOCK

          E

     ~~~~~~~~~~

     ~~liquid~~

       A BROOK

 

Compare:

 

    {{Subtle vibrations}}

    {{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}

              M

              I

              N

              D

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    ~~ Gross vibrations~~

 

Ponder:

What is at either end of the mind?

At one end, it's obvious - the body. But at the other?

Is there another end? Or does the mind just become subtler and subtler?

Distractions during meditation

(A more didactic version of Letting go of thoughts in meditation)

1. There should be minimal use of energy in meditation. An efficient brain is in a state of 'flow', without distractions or random emotions. (dhyāna is taila-dhāra, from Vyāsa's Yoga Sūtra Bhāṣya)

2. When my attention is on a new chain of thoughts, returning to the previous thought or idea or object of meditation involves a very simple technique - letting go of the new thought.

3. I suggest or desire mildly that my mental "hand" relax and let go, like my hand letting go of the string of a thought balloon. My attention naturally drifts back to the previous thought.

4. One subtle point - my focus should be on the heart, most of the time. Letting go of distracting thoughts should not take up most of the meditation. If it does, I am struggling with distractions, rather than resting in the heart.

5. Letting go should become easier with practice. I must be gentle, but ruthless, and be able to detach from any and all distractions.

6. Thought and/or emotion streams will first come from the conscious level and then from the subconscious level.

7. Those from deeper levels may be more intense, more subtle, and more engaging - positively or negatively.

8. The ability to detach increases with practice.

9. abhyāsa vairāgyabhyām tat nirodhaḥ - says Patanjali in the Yoga Sutras, referring to how yoga - citta vṛtti nirodhaḥ - is achieved.

10. True thoughtlessness comes after cleaning away samskaras. Bhog, or unwinding of samskaras, in meditation or sleep, or through daily experiences, generate thoughts.

Letting go of thoughts in meditation

Some ideas related to thoughts in meditation. A few points may be relevant only to Sahaj Marg meditation.

When a thought, say t1, arises, other related thoughts, t2-t3-t4,etc. follow.

Generally I become aware of the thought stream or thought chain not at t1 or t2, but later, maybe at t5 or t10.

No matter how far down a chain I go before becoming aware, to extricate myself is very simple.

I let go.

Imagine, if you like, a helium balloon suddenly appears and you are holding on to its string. To let go, I simply open my hand, and the balloon drifts away. Further, suppose that the balloon in my hand was tied to others. By letting go of one, I let go of the entire set of balloons.

When a thought chain is released, my mind, or my attention, automatically goes back to the previous activity. This activity is the idea of the light in the heart, resting in its presence, getting pulled inwards by the source of the Divine light, etc. Essentially, feeling the presence of the light in the heart.

So really speaking, I do do some very subtle activity in meditation. I start meditating, after a while (short or long), a thought chain arises, I let go and return to the starting thought, another chain arises, again I let go and return.

Keep repeating gently, affectionately, patiently, tirelessly, lightly. Use as little energy as possible. Especially when what comes up is a strong thought, or even an intense emotion or physical sensation.

I don't need to keep a watch for thoughts or emotions or sensations, though, they will arise on their own. Due to Master's cleaning if I am meditating or in satsangh, or due to the preceptor's cleaning if I am taking a sitting.

The progression should be:

1. fewer and fewer, almost nil, emotional, I-based, thoughts of recent past and near future, once the conscious level is cleaned or emptied.

2. ditto for far past and future, once the subconscious level is cleaned

3. reversal from incessant thought streams to a mostly silent mind with only "mechanical" thoughts arising as needed for events in the material world.

Fable of two beings

IMAGINE:

- a being with a physical body which can feel and do (see/taste, and walk/touch, etc.). It is conscious or aware, but only of itself, and of everything else in relation to itself.

- another, humongously vast. It is single, and conscious, but has no physical perceptions or physical actions.

- the second in contact with the first. An interface exists between their consciousnesses. Vibrations, of various types and levels, in the interface are the communications between the two.

- also, the second in contact, simultaneously, with all of the first beings. The interface is not localised to a specific one.

- the interface is non-uniform - the subtlest vibrations occur near the second being and the grossest near the first.

- the first being's consciousness was initially so rudimentary that the second's consciousness controlled the higher perceptions and actions of its species.

- the first beings evolving. Each one's individual consciousness becomes subtler and starts to perceive and act, for itself. Species-wide perceptions and actions dwindle and communication occurs only through the physical senses, from the outside.

- some sensitive first ones who could raise their consciousness to subtler levels, nearer the second being's consciousness. They could access ideas and perceptions other than their own, from other first beings, and from the second.

- their feelings and their frustration when they tried to share their wonderful experiences through grosser vibrations of the physical level - sounds and symbols, words and letters - and failed.

- they work to raise the consciousness of the first beings to subtler levels, so all of them experience, and feel the same joy and peace, and live - in wonder, beauty, love, and fearlessness.

- you are one of them.

Imagine further

 

- the second being only exists, it doesn't act

 

- it _is_ consciousness

 

- it emanates consciousness unconditionally, eternally

 

- it has no thoughts

 

- it has no emotions

 

- it _is_ love

 

- it emanates love unconditionally, eternally

 

- it manifests ... all beings ... from, by, and in, itself

 

- all beings exist, are conscious, and love

 

- they cannot be, or do, otherwise