Chastity in marriage includes
solving all marital issues
with the spouse as
the first and primary resource.
And if at all possible,
with the attitude that
there should be or
there is
no other resource.
Just like Indian solutions to
Indian problems/challenges or
SRCM solutions to
SRCM problems/challenges.
First, solve or resolve with
local resources and local processes.
Then optimise or fine-tune
using other optimal global solutions,
but only if necessary,
only if there are still unmet requirements.
And only accept those solutions
that fit into or can be integrated into
local idioms.
(This is, I think, one commonsensical reason
for the NIH -not invented here- syndrome.
But also see below regarding failure, learnings, etc.)
Once everything in life is understood as
undergoing bhogam,
every present situation as
an unwinding of past residues,
every challenge presented to you as
having its own learnings and
its own resources for resolving it,
you will stop fighting or resisting
your present situations.
Your "failure" to meet a challenge,
according to someone else's criteria,
is not as important as
understanding that
you presently lack
certain skills or
even some understandings or
just a certain unwillingness to change.
All this comes from Babuji's simple instruction -
apnaapan hona chaahiye, or
apna banaiye,
making not just your newly-wedded spouse your own,
but also the spouse's family.
And, if necessary, even before marriage,
accept the family you were born into
as your own!
Solve your issues together.
Such training is essential for life after marriage.
Do note that there is one huge assumption -
you have chosen your family to be born into,
to unwind some significant saṁskāras.
And even your life events in some broad ways,
to develop some needed skills,
some emotional attitudes or strengths.
And how does this fit into spiritual detachment,
vairāgya, regarding family only as duty, or
even as an unpleasant chore?
If you can learn to love and be affectionate
even towards those who trigger you
instantly and intensely, and
yet be able to do so
without expectations,
without transactional paybacks,
isn't that the best, the most arduous training
to let love and affection flow towards all?
And to let that flow become
unconditional and always?
To master being able to
"love all whom he loves" just like
"he who loves all" does?
Yet, even logically,
there is no discrepancy
in Master being clearly
more affectionate towards
some abhyasis than others.
First, they have to be in his proximity.
If they are not around,
how can he offer
that physical affection?
Even if he wanted to, could he visit
every abhyasi in the world?!
Next, they have to be open to change.
Love and affection are
for the purpose of spiritual evolution,
opening up the heart chakra,
to put it differently.
And even if the living Master
forgets that occasionally,
the Hierarchy will not!
Those who aren't willing to change, and
cling tightly to their self-created personas,
will not hang around Master affectionately
for very long.
Again, can he chase every such reluctant abhyasi?
Should he?
Change must be accepted, even if not understood.
Inner resistance means no acceptance.
Next, the Masters have other work than
just hanging out
being loving and affectionate!
Those who support and
take forward such work
will naturally be the ones
proximate to him.
Lastly, Daaji's huge evolutionary change.
There is no need for physical proximity
to feel Master's love and affection.
Indeed, such physical displays
can only be temporary,
no matter how many times
they're repeated.
Instead, become aware of
the inner connection -
make it palpable,
develop your sensitivity.
And once you feel that,
as Babuji puts it so pithily -
Master is mine and I am his!
Such a simple, beautiful,
all-encompassing definition of
apnaapan!
